IFS holds that we have parts which serve various functions in our lives. For example, say you’re invited to a best friend’s pool party, and many of the people you love the most will be there. You may have a part which gets really excited about seeing all of your friends, and wants you to start clearing your schedule in order to make it. You may also have a different part of you that’s worried about how you’ll look in a swimsuit, and works to convince you not to go, or argues for avoiding donning your bathing suit.
For this example, IFS offers that these two parts (the one excited to see friends and the one not wanting to be seen in a swimsuit) have their own histories, concerns, and strategies — and we can get to know them in therapy.
IFS holds that there are no bad parts. All of our parts (including parts that want us to doom scroll, yell at our boss, etc.) ultimately want to serve us. They all have different histories and strategies. By learning to listen to them, and by getting curious about them, we can meet them. When our parts feel us with them, they often feel less alone, relieved, and they learn over time that we can be there to hear them from a centered place.
IFS holds that we all have a core Self which can bring loving awareness to those parts, so that they can be seen and can relax into the presence of Self.
I fell in love with IFS when my experience was being overtaken regularly by a part which carried a lot of insecurity. I was reading books on IFS and a part of me was trying to silence the part carrying the intense insecurity. I had a big moment of clarity when I realized it was possible to turn toward the part carrying the insecurity with actual curiosity, to listen to it. In doing so, it offered me lots of valuable information about its concerns, and I could see all that it was holding and that it wanted good things for me.